City of Embalms

Ft. Myers, aka "The City of Palms," is where the Red Sox Spring training is held each year. It coincided with a school break so I agreed to go with my Mom, Dad and Grandmother. We then met up with my Grandmother's brother and brother-in-law, ages 92 and 80-something, respectively. In fact, the mean age of the fan base in the baseball stadium was give-or-take 1,358 years old. I got strange looks for not having a walker. Or maybe they just couldn't see me at all.

My great-uncle (age 92) jokingly asked me during the 7 inning stretch, "So when are you getting married? I'm running out of time here." I then left my seat to eat some bad sushi.

Also, the city of Ft. Myers shuts down around 8pm. There were no signs of life on the streets. Like Emily Dickinson, I went stir-crazy until the last night when my Mom suggested I go downstairs to the hotel bar and have a drink. Fine.

As I pulled up a stool, I kid you not, the Red Sox minor-league baseball team strolled in. Young, hot and sweaty after practice. I tried not to look like an alcoholic, sitting at the bar by myself.

I lost my breath when the Australian pitcher pulled up a stool next to me. He was a young Heath Ledger and I'm not just saying that because he was from down under. I fell in love with this 19 year-old after just one drink. We talked for hours and then he walked me up to my room...

At this point, I'm just going to say FML, because a) I met this hottie on my last night in Ft. Myers (wtf?) and b) I was sharing a room with my 82-year-old Grandmother.

Strike 50.