Leprosy

The skin around my mouth and nose is flaking off at a rapid rate. I thought I would "treat" myself to a facial this week, but now I resemble a sad paper mache project.

Note: If you are hoping your next facial comes with an ego boost, I'm sorry, it doesn't. Unless of course, you were born without pores. Or you are a porcelain doll.

Anywho, the facialist told me my face was dirty, I should watch for sun spots, and, "For heavens sakes, start using an eye cream." Needless to say, I have never felt so unattractive and "aged" in my life.

She also kept touting a cleanser that is apparently a favorite of Jennifer Lopez's. Upon hearing this, I scoffed beneath the 5 lbs. of cream and said, "Oh right, because J.Lo and I bring home the same paycheck." This comment only made the facialist scrub harder, of course.

Alas, aside from the leprosy, my face is squeaky clean and aging slower (or so I'd like to believe) because I purchased the lavender shit she scared me into buying.

I'll end with this:

Dear Facialist,

If you are in fact reading this, please make your clients feel pretty when they come in for an appointment. (A compliment on my eyebrows wasn't enough). By doing so, they will want to come back and purchase more lotions and potions and (gasp) eye cream.

Fondly,
Psoriasis

ATM Face-off

I got the impression that a woman wanted to race me to ATM the other day. Now, just to be clear, it was the just 2 of us approaching an ATM building with 2 machines, so I’m not sure what the deal was. Needless to say, I reached the ATM door first and heard her sigh behind me. Again, there were 2 machines and NO ONE IN LINE. Anyway, we both made our transactions, with hers being more aggressive than mine. What I mean to say is that she entered her pin really fast and hard as if to beat me! Then, while we both waited a few seconds for our money to dispense, she turned to me and sized me up. I kid you not, this woman looked me up and down, heaving like a bull. A pretty aggressive daytime stance if I say so myself. I’m happy I was wearing sunglasses because I think I kind of recognized this brash broad. She then grabbed her cash and stormed out, the ATM door swinging behind her. Drugs? Gambling? Frazzled soccer mom? Really had to pee? Who knows. All I can say is, take the money and run, woman. Take the money and run.